"I thought I would be okay. I kept telling myself: “Work harder. Go home and get to bed early. Don’t tell others you’re unhappy.” I don’t know how to get through these long nights. I can’t sleep. I don’t want to hate myself."
Seeing them together hurts. Seeing that he is absolutely fine without me hurts. Knowing it took zero effort for him to just walk away hurts the most.
I watch people walk out of my life all the time. It’s not a new thing for me to have someone leave. It just hurts to have him leave because he knew everything. And he never walked away when I was sitting there crying my eyes out for stupid reasons.
But I guess I did think he would walk away eventually. But at the same time I didn’t. Maybe it’s cuz he had so many other times to walk out and he never did. But he proabbly just got fed up with me. Everyone does. I don’t blame the them. I’m nothing special. Nothing worth sticking around for.
Maybe I’m suppose to be the one to be always alone. Maybe no one is suppose to stick around.
But I can’t help feeling like it’s still always my fault when they leave. That I did something to get fed up and leave. Or maybe I didn’t do something and that’s why they left.
The one thing I do know is that everyone leaves. EVeryopne gets tired of me. Including me.